Haven't had the best few days. I'm just so tired of all the bullshit. Thinking of moving. I just want to get away from it all.

Still writing, not editing.

I'm such an idiot sometimes. Like, seriously. I completely forgot that Livejournal even existed, let alone that I had a livejournal account. Man, I suck at updating this thing, much like I suck at updating my stories.

Anyway, as most of you probably don't know, because I've only just announced it over on YT and to my friends, my computer went haywire.... again. OTL -_-'

This time, it is through no fault of my own! How awesome is that?! Anyway, apparently, my hard drive has gone bad. No viruses, nothing like that: it's just gone bad.

I had to immediately back up my files, because according to my computer, a failure is imminent. And since my computer has been just randomly shutting down more and more often (especially when I'm playing a game), I kind of have to agree with it.

Anyway, I tried to format it first, hoping that that would fix the problem, according to my brother-in-law's mother, who's a government official who works on computers for a living. Anyway, it didn't work. All that happened was that I lost all of my work.

But, never fear, I did make a back up! Sure, I can't access any of my files for some odd reason, and the back up doesn't want to restore, but hey, I did make a back up, my files are on my external hard drive. They're just inaccesible at the moment.

I'm going to assume that once I get my computer fixed, I'll be able to restore, no problem. :D But, however, since I now have none of my files for any of my current fics, I've started something new. I have a oneshot and a multi-chapped fic in the works right now.

Of course, I'm unsure as to whether or not I should post the multi-chapped fic right now. After all, I do have four other stories incomplete, and we all know just how bad I am at updating them. That doesn't mean that I won't continue to work on this one, I'm just not sure I should post it, knowing my track record and all. Perhaps I should work some more on it, get a few chapters ahead, before I think about posting.

Anyway, that's all for news from my corner. Man, I really need to get back in the swing of updating. I think my fans are starting to give up on me! D:

Love,

~Lilo

 First things first:

WOW, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO SENT ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I <3 YOU ALL TO DEATH AND BACK AGAIN! And to everyone else, I still love you. 'Cuz I'm totally cool like that.

Anyway, my birthday was really really nice. Sure, most of it was spent napping with the rest of my family because Saturday was just one of those lackadaisical days where all you do is just kind of lay there with your brain on pause, but the rest of it was just... mmh, yes.

So, I had wanted to go to PF Changs for my birthday (haven't been there in years), so we tried to make a reservation, because PF Changs is this totally upscale Chinese restaurant with the absolute best chicken in black bean sauce I have ever had.

But, well, on a Saturday for a really upscale popular restaurant, calling in for a reservation at 3:00 pm on the same day just isn't going to cut it, especially when you have a party of 8. So, okay, two of those are just kids, but hey, they still are people! Just tiny and one of them can't actually talk, but he's just so adorable!

Anyway, ahem, away from my niece and nephew, we finally decided that waiting to 9:30 pm to eat just wasn't going to cut it, so we settled on Carrabbas, which is this nice (but not as upscale), Italian restaurant. And, OMG, I had chicken marsala and a free dessert! I picked the canolli, but I kind of regret it. I mean, the inside was okay, but the pastry around it was kind of bitter and just... ew. And my family didn't argue at all and so it was extremely nice.

The fact that I've now got a new mp3 player (omg, it's this beautiful purple color), Dissidia, Crisis Core, and a new set of ear buds only sweetens the deal. Oh, yeah.

I also got to play 358/2 Days as an early present from my best friend, so I played that the entire week after it came out and I beat it and I just... mmf, Xion is ADORABLE! SHE IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!!

So, my birthday was really nice and relaxing and it fell right in the middle of my fall break, so I haven't been to school since Wednesday. I go back tomorrow, so I've got a lot of homework to do from over the nice break, but man, did I need that break. ^_^

Anyway, I've got some stuff that I'm working feverishly on, trying to get it done quickly because I have deadlines and  obligations and then I have a five page paper on the Fort Pillow Massacre that's due in November that I should totally start researching for, because if I don't I'll leave it to the last minute like I do everything else in my life. 

Anyway, thanks to everybody for helping to make my day really special. It means a whole to me, so thanks. 

That'd be Melt the Sugar by The Summer Obsession with close to 500 plays. I have this weird habit of listening to a song that I really like for days on end till I'm sick of it. And then I don't listen to it again for months. But, well, this one's stayed with me for awhile.

 OMG, this is a definite wake up call.

This is how long I've been away from Microsoft Word.

The recent documents are gone. Like... gone. They're not recent anymore! I actually have to open up my 'Open Document' folder in order to get to anything. I've never had that happen to me before.

I'm a failure. *flails*

I hate writing. That is all.

No, this is not another, I'm-being-emo-please-comfort-me post, like all of my others seem to get. This is more the 'I'm-fucking-frustrated-and-I-want-to-kill-my-love-for-writing post.

Why is it that writing doesn't come easily to me? I miss the early days when I churned out the first five chapters to HTLAS within a month. 

Oh, now that was like a record, apparently.

Now it seems I can't write a chapter more than half a year. So, two chapters a year. Pathetic.... I really need to finish the last two chapters to HTLAS.

And IC, well, yeah, I was kind of hit hard last chapter, because last chapter was a really pivotal chapter, and my review count was depressing compared to the review count of the previous chapters.

However, I did enjoy the reviews I did get, and I must remember that I should love the reviews I get and not ask for more. (this is me rambling, isn't it?)

I think I need some new icons. Yes, this is me rambling. 

Oh, and BLP, I've been drawing up some new plans for, and I decided to scrap the chapter I'd been writing. While this sets me back even further in updating, it does mean that I feel like I'm going somewhere.

I should work on a few oneshots, get out of this perpetual block I seem to be in.

Okay, now it really is 'that's all, folks!'. 

I think I don't like people. No offense to anybody, but keeping up with friends and staying nice to people... it's just all so new to me and it's very tiring.

And apparently, I tend to tread on a lot of toes. 

If I ever say anything to you that might come off as disdainful, condescending, or just plain cruel, please understand that I don't mean it that way. 

It's hard to convey emotions well when all we have is text. I don't mean to be mean. But I'm blunt, and I'm not afraid to state my opinion. Perhaps I'm quite a bit tactless- I've been called that before. 

But I don't mean to be hurtful. I see things very differently from others, and it's not in my nature to make nice with people that I don't like and/or don't know. 

So, if I have ever tread on your toes, or offended, you, and you're now reading this, please understand that, in my own weird way, I was only trying to help. 

 Hey, everybody who reads this, or doesn't. 

I'm back from my vacation. Well, I have been for about a week now, or so. Or more....

Anyway, I finished the next chapter to IC and I posted it. Sorry about my idiot friend who inserted himself into the author notes. Yes, he is real, not just a figment of my imagination.

For some reason, FFNet has not been allowing me to see my stories, and thus is not allowing me to post any new chapters. Thus, he had to do it for me. He decided to play around a little bit while doing so.

Also, thank you to the three reviewers so far for it. Also, to the many people who read it so far, if my hits are anything to indicate. I love you all, seriously. 

And, in addition to all of this, HAPPY ZEMYX DAY!

Yes, it is that day. 06/09/2009.

It's practically perfect. Look at all those 9s and that 6. I wrote a oneshot, and was actually able to post it before the day was over. That's pretty good for me. LOL, let's hope I can do this for AkuRoku (Roxel) day.

BLP is coming along like usual. I realize that it's been about a year since I last updated it. In fact, I think the last update was a little over a year ago. Was it the beginning of June? Yeah, anyway, I've got about 5000 words for that, so let's hope that I'll get it done soon. I've been recieving a few reviews for that recently, and I think it's made me want to write even more. I'm so incredibly sorry about how long it's been. I never wanted to be one of those authors that never updates except once or twice a year. That was never my intention, because I hate it when authors do that. 

I really understand now, though, why it happens that way. Life really can get in the way, and blocks really can trip you up, for long periods of time. Just know that I really do regret leaving it for so long, especially since it was a present to a friend, who I also haven't been able to talk to in a while.

I just hope that some of my readers are still out there, and willing to forgive me. You guys are part of the reason why I write what I do. It's no longer just for me, like it used to be. 

~Lilo~

LOL, I'm on vacation guys.

You know what this means! Writing time! Yippee! I've already written about half of It's Complicated during this trip, so maybe an update next week? Here's hoping.

Here's also hoping that I don't set my laptop on a piece of chocolate pie again. Or, for that matter, any kind of pie, really. I'm much more careful nowadays when I go on vacation.

Bad things tend to happen when I do.

So, IC is coming along nicely, and I really like where the chapter is going. HTLAS... uh, hasn't been opened, so... *Shrugs*

BLP, ah, I think it could well be a while before that comes out. I think it's gotten to the point where people have just plain forgotten about that fic.  

Also, holy crap, IC has 49 reviews. For 3 chapters. I realized that and I went absolutely out of my mind, because wow, almost 50 reviews for just 3 chapters.

I have some truly awesome possum reviewers and readers out there. I mean, seriously, wow. IC isn't that good.

I love you guys like so totally.

 Hey, everyone!

Yes, as my title suggests, I'm back to writing again!

Well, technically, I never really stopped, but I did go through this period where I didn't really want to write or anything of the kind, so it was kinda bad.

And then, I got so interested in making amvs that that just consumed me for a big while.

Anyway, what this all means is that I'm back to writing, so expect something from me soon.

I'm currently writing a Zemyx oneshot, but it's going through the rough draft stage right now, so it's not too perfect. 

I'm also writing the next chapter to BLP, which is almost 4,000 words in. Yeah, you heard me. IC's about 1500 words in, and I deleted the HTLAS chapter, 'cuz it sucked major ass. 

Also, I'm bouncing around ideas in my head right now. I've had this ridiculous urge to write a het fic for a long time now.

I just have to figure out the pairing. So, which pairing do you think I should do? RaixFuu, RoxasxOlette, NaminéxSora, or NaminéxReno?

Completely up to you! Then again, most of you guys like me for my yaoi, so that idea may not get you going too much. But I just have this horrible urge and I have to write it. 

You know, I was looking through my archives today (don't ask me why), when I noticed something.

Every month so far this year, I have only written two journals per month.

Man, well, here's too the first of two for this month, if my record is anything to go by. :D I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I never know what to say with this thing. I live a very boring life, unfortunately, and I do absolutely nothing. Plus, I feel like I kind of spam my journal, which is weird, 'cuz I don't post that often and even less people comment.

Do you know how weird it feels to write these journals and not know if anyone is reading or not? 'Cuz, seriously, I almost never recieve comments, so I can't really tell anymore. Is it 'cuz I have this weird tendancy to ramble? I know it's a problem, I'm trying to get it fixed, but it's not really working, is it?

Anyway, Happy April Fool's Day, although it's a little late. I'm so lazy I can't even wish people a happy day before the day is late.

Ooh, ooh, I finally figured out how to change my mood themes to something cooler, so I put Beauty and the Beast as my mood theme. It was my favorite Disney movie growing up.

You have no idea how happy it made me to see Belle kick Xaldin's ass like that. :D

Oh, yeah, rewrite going badly. I haven't started, that's how badly it's going. :P

And... what else... Oh, IC is on its way. I'm about a thousand words in, so... it should only be a few more months before that's up. And HTLAS... has even less words written, and I'm kinda iffy about that, too... so.... blah.

It is official that I believe BLP needs to be rewritten.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No.

It needs to be stabbed, drawn and quartered! Surely there is a way to do that to a piece of fiction found only on the intenet and within the innards of my computer. ... Correct?

Ugh, I have finally realized what exactly is wrong with BLP, and thus why I can't get the next chapter, excluding my general over-all laziness.

...It's not me.

So, I'm going to completely rewrite BLP. Some things will be kept. Some of the pairings, some of the familial connections, too. The past scenes will also be kept. Other things will be changed.

I was rereading it, trying to figure out what was wrong. It's just... it's too stilted, and it's as though I'm trying too hard to pump out the chapters. For what, I don't know.

But it's just not my type of writing, so I'm going to rewrite it.

I've been thinking of taking down BLP while I work on the rewrite. However, I don't want to lose all of the wonderful reviews I got for it. Nor do I want to lose the favorites, alerts, and hits. It's truly a conundrum. So, perhaps I'll keep it up.

I have a feeling I'll know what anyone will say, but I would like to know your thoughts on if I should keep it up or not. Feel free to comment. 

No, I'm not anywhere near close to posting another chapter.

I fail where posting things in a timely manner is concerned.

Yay, FFNet is back to working again.

I was able to answer that review, thankfully.

Now, I have to finish chapter 19 of HTLAS. I feel... sad, almost. I keep having to stop because I keep starting to cry. HTLAS is almost done, and it's coming to the end, and it's making me sad. I'm going to miss writing for it.

And no, the chapter itself isn't sad. That's not why I'm crying, if that makes any sense.

It doesn't help that I've been very emotional lately. Car commercials are making me cry lately. I fucking hate hormones. 

Okay, so... I have one review left to answer for the latest chapter of HTLAS.

But I can't. Because I can't log on to FF.Net. You wanna know why I can't log on? Well, so would I.  

You see, I have to be in the mood to answer reviews. You know, that 'I can do this! I can get them all done in one big go! Yay me!' mood. Yeah, I was in that mood, 'cuz I only have one review left.

But that mood is slowly going away, and I still have the review to answer. And now I feel really bad, 'cuz I can't answer the review, I want to answer it, it's the only one left, and it's a nice review.  And it's now been... 3 days since I got the review, and I feel bad because it's taking too long.

FF.Net has been glitchy since... two days ago, I think? Two days most certainly, since I've been trying to answer the review since a day after I got it. So, yeah, two days. 

Anyone else have FF problems with getting on? Why is it taking so long to get it back to working?

Thanks guys for the 17 reviews on the latest chapter of HTLAS. That's already better than chapter 17, which only had 13. Not that I'm complaining about any of my review counts. ILU GAIZ! It had to have been the sex, amirite?

So, I'm in the process of answering them. If you haven't recieved one yet, don't worry, they'll be done by the end of tomorrow, at the latest.

I'm also beta-ing a chapter for Theablackthorn so that'll take up some time.

We've moved on to Chaucer in English class, so that'll take up some time, too.

And I've started work on Chapter 19 of HTLAS, along with Chapter 4 of It's Complicated.  

I changed my layout, as you can see. I found this great community that posts graphics for LJ. refuted . Great profile layouts and stuff, so I changed everything. Hopefully this'll be easier to read. 

On to other news. I updated HTLAS, so if you have not read it yet, go to my fanfiction page and you'll be able to read it. WARNING: There is graphic content in this chapter, and this is the chapter that finally shows why this fic is rated mature. Have fun reading it.

Now. I'm really working on other fics right now, so I don't know when I'll update again. However, since there are only two chapters left, I won't take another year to finish it, you can count on that.

I'm also working on amvs, again. I'm almost done with another, that I'll be uploading at some point. 

I'm a busy little bee, but don't worry. I'll start getting back to answering all comments that you make, all reviews that are given (in a timely fashion, for once), and working on new stuff for you guys to read.

Thanks for a wonderful year and two months in fanfiction. You guys have made it an awesome year.

Lilo

All of you readers out there should be happy to hear this.

The long awaited chapter 18 of HTLAS is done. I sent it off to my beta a couple of days ago, and, because she is made of absolute awesome win, will get it done soon. she's such a better beta than I

So, because of this, I'm celebrating, because this chapter has been in the back of my mind since I first began How to Love a Somebody, and I have been itching to write it since day one.

Now, I'm extremely glad that I've grown as a writer since I first started writing, because I don't think I would have done anywhere near as good a job on this chapter if I hadn't changed since the beginning.

Thank you all for staying over a year while I embarked on this journey into my first Zemyx story. :D All of you are absolutely wonder and I deserve none of my extremely patient readers. 

 I got my computer back! 

Okay, so, I originally got it back yesterday, but Geek Squad was really stupid, and gave me the wrong power charger. It wouldn't work with my computer, and it died quickly yesterday. Anyway, I had to go back today to get my old one back. But, now I have it back, it works like a charm, and I are happy!

I've also completely finished all of my Christmas shopping, so I'm out about $400 now. Yeah, ouch. But, like, everything I bought was about $60 or more dollars. See? My family can't say I don't love them, considering how much I hate spending money. Anyway, I'm broke again. What else is new?

So, now that I have my computer back, and all of my shopping done, I now have infinite amounts of time to finish writing the next chapter to HTLAS. And, oh, what a doozy of a chapter it is. I have a feeling that you guys are really going to like it. :D *wink*

First I have to finish the last 1,000 words, and then I've got to ship it off to my beta. I've also been slowly chipping away at the e-mails I've recieved in the last 3 or 4 weeks, so I'm down in that count, too. 

I'm feeling really relaxed, and really happy.

Thanks for sticking through this with me. Hope you enjoy the next update of HTLAS.

Lifes.Lover